Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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