I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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