Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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