someone get that fucking seahorse.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
