Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
