The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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