I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
