Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
