Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize