So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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