I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
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