You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
