I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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