You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
