If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
