Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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