Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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