i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
