Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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