The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
