We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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