bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
