You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
