I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my liver is dry heaving
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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