so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
