I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
