Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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