i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
