Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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