I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my liver is dry heaving
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize