i think my mom watched the whole time
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
