I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You took a bar mat shot.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
