I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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