Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
