I just made out with a guy for $7.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
