she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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