Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
