I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
