i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
