i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
