Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
