Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
