Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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