my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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