it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
