I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
