all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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