Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
