i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The feeling are messing with the penis
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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