she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
