Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
