Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize