I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
