I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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