worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
