is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
