My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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