and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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