So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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