She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
