I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
