I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
