Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
