I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
