i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
