you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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