it was like his penis was on wheels.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
