im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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