The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
