I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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