The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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