Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize