Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You just made me feel so damn special
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
