I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
