do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
